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Storyrocket Number

543-627669495

Intended Medium

Movie, Television

Language

English

ISBN

978-1980977544

Material Type

Book

Funding Platform

None

Location

United States

Era

Present Day

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Logline

After Daisy's sisters pray over her unmarried status, her British cat starts talking and giving her dating advice. Her meddling sisters set her up on six disastrous blind dates. The mess of Daisy's life is kookier because the cat is smoking, cussing, and drinking like a Downtown Abbey criminal.

Synopsis

Daisy is turning 40. Her family figures she is a loser because she is still in college trying to avoid paying off her student loans which have amassed over 22 years of a miseducation. Daisy’s sisters invade her house for an old-maid intervention. The women pray over her. Her cat then begins talking to Daisy, when she is sober! Even more bizarre, the cat speaks with a British, cockney, masterpiece-theater criminal accent because his name is Shakespeare. The cat even quotes the dead William Shakespeare on matters of the heart.


Her sisters offered to set Daisy up on some blind dates, but she tries her luck on her own with a neighbor. David is a nurse with a voice sounding as if he would like to cut off her life support. She discovers that he is a peeping Tom who has been spying on her.


Shakespeare suggests that she take her sisters up on their offers of blind dates.
Each sister has a candidate.


She goes out with the fortyish Joey Cuervo, a man who works with her sister Doll at the local Walrus Supermarket. Joey is fired before their date. Daisy thinks she is meeting him at a new swanky Latin restaurant which turns out to be a taco joint. Joey has a coupon for a free taco for only himself but he eats most of Daisy’s meal and drinks her soda. He brags about his ex-girlfriend getting her hair and gum stuck in his junk, but tells Daisy that his grandma says he can’t have a girlfriend right now.


Daisy’s next date is Harvey Von Wallbanger, a body-parts photographer and her sister Dove’s BFF. Harvey is a Texas phony. He has a fake Austrian aristocratic accent. He made a blind date with Daisy and another woman but chooses Daisy because she’s better looking. At the restaurant Harvey runs up a $1,000 tab. He grabs Daisy’s hand and exits the building without paying. Daisy faints from hunger and he leaves her on the sidewalk where she’s arrested because the restaurant manager called the cops.


Her sister Delta bails her out of jail and suggests Daisy go out with Delta’s divorce lawyer. Olive Martini is offering to represent Daisy in court in exchange for a blind date. He is a Southern politician. Olive is black and Daisy wishes to impress him with a Beyoncé butt so she buys underwear that gives her enhanced buttocks. At the country club with Olive, one butt cheek caves in and Olive freaks out. He can’t date a woman with a fake ass because his female constituents would say he does not like real women.


Daisy no longer has a lawyer and is sentenced to community service of pulling weeds. Her sister Dawn, a realtor, pulls up in a black van. She invites Daisy to her house for dinner to meet Johnny Walker, the top realtor in Houston. What Dawn really wants is for Daisy to date Johnny and steal his leads list. Daisy begins a relationship with Johnny that lasts several months. She is falling in love with him but then he cheats on her. Daisy gets her revenge by stealing that leads list for Dawn.


Daisy lays depressed in bed but finally agrees to go out on a date set up by her sister Diamond. Yeung Ling is a recently-divorced hairdresser and karate expert with killer hands. Daisy meets him at a bar where Yeung carries on a one-sided conversation complaining about his wife. He then suggests they have comfort sex and Daisy says no.


Her mother and aunt instruct Daisy to go to a park and meet the reverend, Glen Livet. She smokes weed with the reverend and he confides that he was once called the Drunken Beast. She confesses that her cat speaks to her. He invites her to church. The reverend tells the congregation that Daisy’s cat is her familiar and they all pray for Daisy.


She sits in her car in the church parking lot and God texts Daisy, telling her she has a soulmate.


Before, after and sometimes during her dates, her wise-cracking cat has been giving Daisy advice. He now suggests they bring up Waze and look for her soulmate.


Daisy finds Donovan, a billionaire, in the park in an expensive neighborhood.

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Cast Wish-List
  • Benedict Cumberbatch
    Benedict Cumberbatch as the cat Shakespeare
    Male 14 Years old
  • Kate McKinnon
    Kate McKinnon as Daisy
    Female 39 Years old
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